Chapter 51 of Ama
I miss you, Zoe. It’s been a long year and I don’t manage well without you. The family has been good to me, though, Emily calling me at least three times each and every day. Even our granddaughter has gone out of her way to stop by at least once a week, and she takes me to visit your grave as often as she’s able. She’s turned into such a beautiful person.
My birthday was nice; so many people came. I even had a drink or two… Okay, I had three. Never thought I’d ever say this, but I missed that look you used to give me when I filled a second glass. I miss so many things about you, Zoe—things I took for granted. I hope I was a good man for you.
Everyone has left now, and I’ll be off to bed in a bit. I hate this part of the day, going up to an empty bed. I know, I know, stop with the sad face. But it’s so hard. Sometimes I wish I could close my eyes one night and never open them again. To be with you again, that’s my birthday wish.
It’s been a good life. Oh, we had some problems early on, and I did worry that we wouldn’t make it, but I’m thankful we turned it around. I know you don’t like it when I talk about those days, but I still remember the time you lost it over some silly little thing, do you remember? I laugh about it now, but wow, did you scare the hell out of me at the time. I don’t know why that’s stuck in my head. Thought you were going to kill me. I’m glad things got better after that.
From then on, it was as if life was on our side again. I never believed in fate and all that foolish nonsense. But thinking about things now, I think fate did play a hand in our lives. I don’t know, maybe it’s just the old cogs rattling around in my head, but it seemed that after that night everything started to go right for us, no matter what. Everything but… Well, I never told you about my recurring dream, did I? It confuses me why I should have such a dream. I thought everything was good, happy, so why I should have such a dream strikes me as a bit odd. It’s not a scary dream, not a nightmare or anything like that, it’s just strange. And it’s always the same. In fact, I’ve never dreamt of anything else.
Anyway, I’m off to bed now. Maybe I’ll get my birthday wish and see you again soon. I don’t think I’m being selfish to wish for such a thing. I’ve had a long life, and Emily is doing well. I don’t want to be any kind of burden to her. Sorry, I know, I’m doing it again, aren’t I. I miss you so much, my Angel.
I wonder who it is—in my dream, I mean. I can’t think of anyone I know who looks like her. Maybe someone from my past, but I can’t think who. Why does she look at me the way she does? In the dream, I’m in a dark place. Emerging from the dark is a woman in a yellow dress. She’s beautiful—No, Zoe, it’s not one of those dreams. She’s just there in the dark, with me, watching me with bright, unblinking eyes—remarkable sapphire-blue eyes. She seems to be waiting for something or waiting for me to do something. But I don’t do anything, and neither does she. The woman just watches me from the dark, and there’s the most hypnotic sound coming from the dark too. What does it mean, Zoe? What is she waiting for?
Anyway, I hope you’re happy wherever you are and are being treated well. Save a spot by the fire for me. Life has been good, Zoe, but now I want to be with you again.
Message from the author:
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading Ama, which is my first self-published novel and has been a labour of love for over nine years. Ama is dedicated to my mother, who inspired my passion for creative writing and encouraged me to explore my imagination to the full. If you did like it and want to help this indie author get the word out, you can do any or all of the following things:
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